Happy Easter, by realitycek

Happy Easter

by realitycek

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The announcements continued to drone over the PA system -- English, Cantonese, French... Alex Krycek leaned against the kiosk, sipping his lukewarm tea as he surveyed the oblivious crowd rushing to and from their flights. The steamy aromas of food made him feel faint, and he momentarily wondered if it would be worth it to vault the counter in a desperate bid to grab at least one lousy sparerib before he was hauled away...

He sighed. No. His time in Hong Kong had been a nightmare, but there was too much work left unfinished to throw it all away now. It was all there on the tape. He hadn't managed to decrypt it all, but he understood enough, and the words had haunted his fevered dreams. "...hoppin' down the bunny trail, hippety-hoppity..." Oh yes. They were coming. Their insidious suicide troops would be sent on ahead, using their deceptive innocence and cheerful colours to infiltrate. Once they sacrificed their strangely elastic, weirdly crunchy little bodies, melting into the system and imparting profound cases of sugar- shock...humanity would be helpless before Them...

Or so they thought. Alex had discovered their secret weakness, oh yes...however, he had to stay alive long enough to impart it to the world. His stomach growled menacingly, and the solution suddenly occurred to him. It was Easter! He would go home! No one would think to look for him there, and Mama would feed him while he laid low and planned his next move...

Heartened, he headed for the public phones, resolutely determined to call Petersburg. Collect. He was just rehearsing the wheedling tone he knew she was never able to resist, when a kaleidoscope of pain erupted between his eyes, and he found himself thrown against the bank of phones.

"Where is it?! What did you do with it?!"

"I didn't eat your bunny, Mulder!" he protested, trying in vain to lick the smudges from the corners of his mouth. "You don't underst -- "

"I understand it was the evidence I needed, you rat bastard, the key to understanding the black jellybeans!" The agent levelled his gun.

"Huh?"

"Uh, never mind. What did you do with it?"

"I don't have it. But..." Alex's smile was seductive as he reached into his jacket pocket and produced a slightly melted and smashed Cadbury egg. "...let me go and I'll tell you everything." Taunting, he snatched it back out of Mulder's reach. "Everything. Where all the eggs are hidden. And that disgusting white yoghurt lamb that Scully's planning on giving you."

Mulder hesitated. He really wanted to avoid that yoghurt lamb. "Okay," he conceded at last, "but you don't leave my sight until we get back to DC." He stepped back, temporarily holstering his weapon and also putting away his gun. Shoving Krycek towards the restrooms, he growled, "Now, go leave my sight and wash all that glop off your face..."

Alex tossed the paper towel and walked over to unzip. This would definitely be better than going home to Mama, he reflected, but was suddenly startled out of his pleasant ruminations by the sight of two large, furry feet on the other side of the partition. A dark ooze began flowing across the floor as Alex was thrown against the wall, and with growing horror he watched it resolve into strands of gaudy cellophane grass, writhing purposely toward him...

As he exited the bathroom, Mulder nodded. "Now, don't you feel better?"

"Like a new man," Alex smirked. He strode toward the gate, the unsuspecting agent behind him never seeing the Hershey syrup that momentarily swirled across his eyes. "Happy Easter, Mulder..."

Finis

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