The Magnificent Seven Ride Again
by Ursula
Disclaimer: Dead men tell no tales.
Disclaimer: Oh, well, Richie, Joe,Duncan, Tessa, Amanda, Methos, and the other three Horsemen belong to Panzer, Ricky Caruso belongs to Stephen Cannell and Three Putt Enterprises. Brian Kessler belongs to the producers and writers of the film Kalifornia.
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"Hey, Joe,"
"Hey, Richie," Joe answered, wiping circles on the bar. The eternal youth jumped up on the counter and put his round little ass right in the middle of Joe's polishing. "So like what's the building going up next door? Looks pretty big and fancy."
"Alex is moving in full time," Joe answered, pretending to polish around the pretty youth's ass.
"He gets his own place?" Richie asked.
Canadian Vic and Mac snorted. Their suite was large and comfortable, but Lianne popped in at the worst times...to interrupt. She had even wanted an adjoining door, but thank the Slash Writers; they had been spared that.
American Vic and Mac, still living and stuck with working with the Director forever in fan fiction, were holed up in the corner with Sharpe, who was waiting around to see if he was in Alex's date book.
A thud sounded as Tom MacLaren slid down the ice sculpture that had been installed in the bar in preparation for the party. "Almost made it that time," the man announced.
"Tom, give it up. Come here," Baines said from the stairs. There was a perfectly good elevator, but the man had a thing for them, refused to use them. MacLaren shrugged and went over to join the man. They had a lot in common. In fact, rumor had it that Baines even shared his main squeeze, with the man. Now whether that was Cory, who did get around or Baines' soldier-boy that had such a dossier on him, was a matter rumor couldn't determine.
Humming, Ain't no mountain high enough, Ain't no elevator goes low enough, the tragic pair skipped on up the stairs to blow some steam. Blow something anyway.
Richie observed someone had let Duncan out of his stocks and the man appeared to be having a good cry into his scotch. "What's with Walt?" Richie asked, finally recognizing the man behind the camouflage paint. At first he thought it was 'Apocalypse Now' Marlon Brando gone a diet.
"They did a Mac Attack thing on him," Joe explained as an outburst of loud weeping came from the table. Interesting furniture they had in that place. Can't wait to find out what the chair can say or do.
"You don't mean?" Richie exclaimed.
"Yes, Richie, I do mean. CC by which I refer to Crappy Creator made Walt shoot Alex."
"Oh, man, shit, is Alex gonna hate Walt from now on? It's hard to forgive although you know it's the writers. The fanon writers can be mean, but canon writers..."
Richie shuddered until Joe gave him a glass of hot chocolate to warm him up. Joe refused to entirely believe he wasn't going to get in trouble for not carding Richie in this universe.
Prowling around the bar, Richie found Ricky smooching with a Mulder look-a-like, intensely smooching. Wow, flames were rising off them.
"Damn, got to get me some of that," Richie remarked to the man with dark curly hair who sat at the same table. "Hey, you're new here. I'm Richie Ryan, dead immortal, and you are?"
"Dave Starsky and this is my partner, Ken Hutchinson. We actually belong in a woman named Karen's head, but Ursula's been playing with Ricky and us in a story. The hot number is Brian Kessler. He's from dark Kalifornia. I guess he gets the guy in the story," the man explained.
"Oh, cool, a cross-over, Tessa even lets me crossover by myself now that I'm dead. Hey, she has to meet you. She used to watch you on TV. She even wrote slash stories about you!" Richie said.
"Cool. We like those. Cause there's no one for me but thee? Huh, Hutch?" Starsky said.
"What?" remarked Hutch, gazing off at the bar where an intensely beautiful version of Alex Krycek gyrated.
Blowing in his lover's face, Starsky said, "I was saying that we belong together, oh blond cop who said he wouldn't look at another guy."
"I wasn't looking; I was absorbing," Hutch said.
"Yeah, that's Private Dancer Krycek. Causes a lot of problem when Joe books him, but hey, Joe has to live too," Richie explained. "Man, you ought to see the bucks he rolls in on those nights."
"Hmm, maybe, we should see if he'll work with Huggy Bear. Huggy's always looking for talent..."
"What's with you, kid? You seem a little nervous," Hutch remarked, wearing his patented sensitive look.
"I'm going to do it," said Richie, "Forgive him. I'm going to go tell Mac that I can live with it or after-life with it or whatever..."
Standing up, Richie threaded through the crowded bar to where Duncan and Skinner were preparing to go. "I'm with you," Richie declared, "I had a cross over with Alex and I understand how you feel, Mr. Skinner. No one should have to kill the one they love, not even if it's canon."
"Fuck canon, Richie," Mac said. "I should have walked out right after Duende. I could have left 'em dancing with you at my side."
"Yeah, I know. Contracts, fuck them! Now, I guess I need some more camouflage paint," Richie said, "So are we going after CC?'
"Yeah, and then, I've decided to get Panzer tanked and get my revenge, but Richie, it isn't safe for you...you should stay here with Tessa and Amanda."
"You call that safe? Shit, Mac, that's like being locked up with the tiger and the lioness with a cute little tigron purring around to show what the lion has been up to," Richie grabbed a Panzer machine gun and a Cartier Glock and was ready to go.
At the last minute, a figure rushed out of the crowd. "Methos?" Richie asked.
With a grim look, Methos said, "End Game."
"Oh," agreed Richie, looking nervously at the Three other Horsemen who had just joined them as well.
But viler than any four Horsemen, Panzer and CC waited.
The Magnificent Seven rode out of Joe's Bar and Homeless Character Shelter; revenge was nigh.
Richie's Happy End
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